12.15.2008

Participation welcomed

So last night Chloe had some attitude, Jon got angry, I got involved. It was bad all around. A total knock down fall out of sorts... Now I have a question for all of you, and I want comments...

Chloe bought her Ipod with her own money, so she feels that we can't ground her from it because she owns it and bought it herself.

I think it is still a privilege, and I bought most of the music she listens to, so I think I should be able to ground her from it.

Where do you all weigh in on this? I am anxious to hear.

Discuss amongst yourselves...

10 comments:

liz said...

i never had enough money at that age to buy anything big so i can't imagine how she feels about it from her angle.

i think as a parent you have to know their 'currency' of how to get thru to them and it sounds like you know exactly what the right one is at the moment.

did she earn the money from you guys?

that's a hard one. I can see why she would think it's unfair. and I could see as a parent it wouldn't be something I would think to explain as a rule before hand.

I guess with my HR hat on (depending on where you left off) I would say this time pick something else for punishment, but make it know the rules moving forward are that mom and dad choose the punishment even if it involved things she bought herself. maybe explain how you thought about how she might feel about it and could understand how she would not think it's fair since she thought it would be off limits (understanding her feelings at this age is something i imagine feels like never happens so that could win huge in the trust/ rapport bank)

in the real world things we all work for get taken away like foreclosures and cars and other big things we paid a lot of money for, so you could tie it to a grown up lesson we all face if we make bad decisions if you wanted to.

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i really have no idea about this age, so i could be way off on my suggestions. but there you have it.

Anonymous said...

Gosh, this is a tough one.

But, my first instinct is to say that as a mom, when you need to get your kids' attention and try to get through to them, you take away privileges. So, I agree. That iPod is something that she loves and does not want to part with.

Answer this: will grounding her from her iPod make the difference? Will it cause the change that needs to happen? If it does then go for it. If it won't make a difference, and the attitude will continue then obviously you need to find another source of leverage.

Hey, she's under 18, she lives under your roof. Those are your rules. MOTHER RULES!!!!

Ashley said...

Just ground her from her clothes, her toothbrush, the food, her bed...ah, heck, just ground her from the house!!! Ok, I'm just kidding. I do see her point, however, I also believe that until a child grows up and leaves home they are subject to their parents' laws. I don't think that a child should be able to tell a parent that anything they own, however purchased, is off limits. Imagine if she bought her own computer and said you weren't allowed to moniter it because "she paid for it". Just saying-once you start making allowances for that kind of thing, you run the risk of it going a lot further. That's a tough issue, but, as I said, I think you're still the boss. Of the whole house. You will, though, have to acknowledge her feelings so she feels "listened to." My goodness, did I ever feel "listened to"? Kids today got it good!!

Sheri said...

I think that as long as she lives in your house she has to abide by your rules. And if she doesn't then you should be able to ground her or take away her I-Pod or whatever. But that's just me.

Sheri said...

I just read Ashley's comment - I totally agree with her.

holdoug said...

You're the parent. She needs to know that nothing is untouchable. She does not make the rules. She does not get to choose her consequence, no matter how unfair she thinks it is. It doesn't matter what you do it will be your fault and you will come out the bad guy no matter what. Welcome to the world of having a teenager!

Amy said...

If she bought a ticket to rated R movie with money she earned, would you let her go?

You're the mom. She lives in your house. You could always send her into a corner empty handed for the duration of her grounding.

JP said...

I would smash it and say she can listen to it again when she saves enough to buy another one.

Karen said...

You can ground her from the IPod no matter how it came to be hers. Oh, yeah! Definetly. Fer sure!

Jeanette said...

I guess everyone is in agreement that yes you can. I'm late weighing in anyways, but I agree that for the sake of THIS episode choose a different punishment, but lay down the new rule effective immediately.

(P.S. You aren't going to buy her boyfriends for her either, but I'm pretty sure that getting grounded from your boyfriend is a punishment universally claimed and utilized by parents of older teens!)