5.29.2008

Abort, abort!!!

You know how when a mission is going bad on spy or war movies, that is what I mean when I say abort!




I am officially in panic mode. I am about 13 weeks away from my due date, but with my pregnancies I am always early, so really I am about 10-11 weeks away from D-Day. I am freaking out. I have tried to explain to Jon, but he is not understanding. I am scared...

I really am scared that I don't have it in me to do it again. I am tired, and honestly I'm not that good at this motherhood thing. I try, I really do, but I have already screwed up 4 children, why on earth is Heavenly Father sending me another sweet spirit to send to the dark side?

By now I am usually ready, clothes, crib, diapers, name... We have a cradle, and a used stroller. That's it. I am also worried because I really am nervous I am going to be put on bedrest, if that happens, who is going to get everything ready? I have contractions all the time. They are a lot worse than with my others also. How am I going to keep my kids occupied this summer, do laundry, cook meals, clean house, do my job, etc... without going into labor?

This is just so weird for me, I love babies, I usually love being pregnant. I should be having the time of my life, so why does it feel like I am walking the Green Mile?

I know the instant I have Cinq (this might actually end up her name since my husband is still being an ass) in my arms, everything will be fine, but I don't know if I can wait that long. How many more breakdowns can I live through?

Man this is a downer, I am so sorry. On a funny note, I finally found out why crazy hair day is Andy's favorite day of the year. He loves taking a shower and seeing all the different colors running down the drain. What a kid! They were all super excited about today being the last day of school. I made treats last night for all of them to take, but I am kicking myself for not being on the ball with t-shirts, or pillowcases and markers. I didn't even buy them yearbooks this year. I know they will get over it, in fact I'm sure they already are, but I feel like a bad mom. Well I need to go and try o do something with my terrible hair, I need a cut sooooo bad, and I really want to get some color also. I do have a nice new shirt on, it is my favorite color green, and I love it. Let's see how long until I start contractions today, anyone for 10:30?

12 comments:

Tiffany said...

Kristy, you can totally bring your kids over here anytime. We can keep them occupied for hours. The kids can play and you can relax. No problem. I freak out at the end also, you forget that you wanted it when you are in the middle of feeling like crap all the time.

Seriously, call me and I will help with your kiddos.

Kristy said...

Tiffany, out of all my friends that I only see once every few years, right now you are my absolute favorite.

Anonymous said...

Seriously, after reading your blog's I feel like I'm the loser mom, you are always doing special things with your kids. By the way my plan is to go to Encanto Pool, nearly everyday around 2pm for a couple of hours, feel free to drop your kids off or I can pick them up and we can squeeze for a 1/2 mile. And by the way cinq is a cute name, especially if Jon doesn't like it! Oh yea, and my list was a mile long and I don't think anything on it was completely accomplished(thank you Cameron) they just don't get it! Good Luck, its nice to know someone crazy enough to join the "5 club" with me! Rachel

liz said...

I was just thinking this week what a good mom you were when you were here this summer. I love how you can deal calmly with a moment that might be frusrtating you with one child and turn and bounce back to a funny conversation with jon or another child. you don't get hung up in a negative vibe at all and that's so healthy for your kids to see! I love how important it is for you to make sure they are having fun and also love your fashion with kids' clothing! You always have a good attitude even when your car alarm is going off in another state for 543 hours. You can still laugh about stressful situations and I love that about you.

You will do great! chore charts, dates with dad for rewards will get you thru the summer. And cold freezer treats and GUESS WHAT!!! I will be living there and with Mike traveling I can totally come see you guys and bring dinner or something. Just me living in AZ ALONE should make you 100% happy to give birth. ;-)

holdoug said...

Just remember, the baby doesn't know or care. Get some diapers and some onesies and she will be good for a while. If all you had to do was eat,sleep, and poop all day...would you be worried about anything? She won't be either. Your kids will all be in school when she is born, so you won't be dealing with no schedule either. If you still don't feel better, watch an episode of "Cops" and you will think you are the greatest mother in the world!

Anonymous said...

You are right Kristy, Jon is an ass.

JP said...

I am pretty ticked myself. I have had a new post on my blog for a week now and not one person has commented.

Mamie Coffey said...

I am not sure that is the best choice of words.... Sistah- you have support all around you. Take three deep breaths and 2 ahms. Namasté.

BTW- I agree w/jp; I had a new post up everyday for like a week and a half. no comments... so unfair! See what I mean- you have support ALL around you.

love ya.

Sheri said...

Totally take Tiffany up on her offer. Her house is a child's wonderland complete with trampoline, pool and video games. Your children will not want to come home.

P.S. Hang in there...I always look at my kids and think, "What the crap are you doing, Sheri?" I just make it up as I go.

Anonymous said...

You don't know me, but I love your blog! You are so real, so human and you don't live in fantasy land that most of us cannot identify with. You are raising your children in the gospel and trying your darnedest to be the best you can - that's all Heavenly Father asks of us. Something that I have relied on, and I am sure you know this already but I'll share it anyway, is the scripture Matthew 11:29 & 30...Hand it over to him and all will be well. Keep up it! You are amazing...

Erika said...

Oh, I can relate! But no way are you a bad mom!! You are amazing! Lucky cinq!

Mimi said...

I guess if I was a really good sister I would jump in here eh? Your going to do great and somehow everything will work out. Who knows maybe you'll even have some sort of surprise shower?