You know how when a mission is going bad on spy or war movies, that is what I mean when I say abort!
I am officially in panic mode. I am about 13 weeks away from my due date, but with my pregnancies I am always early, so really I am about 10-11 weeks away from D-Day. I am freaking out. I have tried to explain to Jon, but he is not understanding. I am scared...
I really am scared that I don't have it in me to do it again. I am tired, and honestly I'm not that good at this motherhood thing. I try, I really do, but I have already screwed up 4 children, why on earth is Heavenly Father sending me another sweet spirit to send to the dark side?
By now I am usually ready, clothes, crib, diapers, name... We have a cradle, and a used stroller. That's it. I am also worried because I really am nervous I am going to be put on bedrest, if that happens, who is going to get everything ready? I have contractions all the time. They are a lot worse than with my others also. How am I going to keep my kids occupied this summer, do laundry, cook meals, clean house, do my job, etc... without going into labor?
This is just so weird for me, I love babies, I usually love being pregnant. I should be having the time of my life, so why does it feel like I am walking the Green Mile?
I know the instant I have Cinq (this might actually end up her name since my husband is still being an ass) in my arms, everything will be fine, but I don't know if I can wait that long. How many more breakdowns can I live through?
Man this is a downer, I am so sorry. On a funny note, I finally found out why crazy hair day is Andy's favorite day of the year. He loves taking a shower and seeing all the different colors running down the drain. What a kid! They were all super excited about today being the last day of school. I made treats last night for all of them to take, but I am kicking myself for not being on the ball with t-shirts, or pillowcases and markers. I didn't even buy them yearbooks this year. I know they will get over it, in fact I'm sure they already are, but I feel like a bad mom. Well I need to go and try o do something with my terrible hair, I need a cut sooooo bad, and I really want to get some color also. I do have a nice new shirt on, it is my favorite color green, and I love it. Let's see how long until I start contractions today, anyone for 10:30?