Dear Plumber (I think you know who you are),
Is it bad for me to vomit into my bathtub drain? I am just wondering if I need to quit brushing my teeth in the shower, or if it doesn't really make a difference? It is in your best interest to answer me, or you may be receiving a phone call from me soon...
Your favorite client, Kristy
To the makers of Tootsie Pops,
First off, I would like to thank you for making such fabulously delicious lollipops. The new watermelon flavor is absolutely to die for. You have no idea how much it is helping me with my nausea.
Now that we have that out of the way, I would like to talk with you about a main problem I have with your pops. They get sharp little cracks in them after you have licked for a while. I am sparing you the picture I took of my bleeding, cut tongue (partly because I am super vain, and it makes my tongue look really nasty, but I am also concerned about my readers, and don't want to gross anyone out who might be sensitive to blood). If you could please work on a new formula, one that doesn't pose any danger to the partaker of such lusciousness, I would truly appreciate it.